


Sweater Swiper

by ghostfaeries



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Banter, Batfamily (DCU), Crack Treated Seriously, Family Shenanigans, Fluff, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Kinda maybe idk, No Angst, Sibling Bonding, Water Guns, bruce shows up for 1 sec, damian is bby, jason is a bastard older brother and so is dick, mentioned jayroy and very very blink and you miss it implied timkon and birdflash, only fun timez in this household, rated for jason cussing out his brothers, sibs having fun thats it thats the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27010219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostfaeries/pseuds/ghostfaeries
Summary: Jason is on the warpath. Someone has stolen his precious yellow sweater and he won’t rest until he hunts down the person who did it.
Relationships: Batfamily Members & Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain & Jason Todd, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Duke Thomas & Jason Todd, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Comments: 17
Kudos: 234





	Sweater Swiper

**Author's Note:**

> Randomly got inspired to write some sibling banter a few days ago and this is the result
> 
> batcest shippers dni or die by my sword

“Dickface!” 

Jason threw the door to Dick’s bedroom open so violently it slammed against the wall. Dick startled and fell out of his handstand, landing in a crumpled heap of bisexual and mullet. He expertly rolled over backwards and bounded up on his toes, like the show-off he was. He raised his leg above his head and kept on stretching, as if Jason wasn’t having an emergency or anything. Ass. 

“What is it, dear brother o’ mine?” He asked with an infuriating smile. 

“You know exactly what you did,” Jason hissed, jabbing his finger in Dick’s direction menacingly. “I _told_ you I wanted to wear my yellow sweater to my date with Roy this evening. Give it back. Now.” 

Dick, the fucking asshole, just smiled and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t have your sweater.” 

Jason threw his hands up, exasperated. “Oh, so it just decided to walk right out of my closet and disappear in the vents?” 

Dick put his leg down. “I swear, Jay, I didn’t take your sweater. Are you sure you didn’t just put it somewhere and forgot?” 

Jason narrowed his eyes at him, but could detect nothing but honesty in Dick’s gaze. Annoying. “Fine. I believe you. But then who the _fuck_ -” 

“Oh, Jason, there you are!” Duke came skidding to a halt next to Jason. “Help me hunt Tim.” 

“Sure,” Jason said. “What for?” 

“He’s wearing _yellow_ today, obviously that colour is belongs to Cass and me only.” 

_"How dare he.”_ Jason placed his hand on Duke’s shoulder solemnly, and said, “Duke, my dearest brethren, we shall set this right. I will avenge you. Show me the bastard.” 

Duke grinned and turned around, gesturing for Jason to follow. Dick padded behind the two of them as well, bare feet purposefully making a sound. They passed Jason’s room and he held up a finger to stop them. 

“Wait a sec. I gotta grab my guns for this.” 

“Uh, don’t you think that’s a little excessive, Little Wing?” 

Jason rolled his eyes, grabbing two pistols from under his bed. He tossed one to Duke. “I meant my water guns, Dickard. I only use my real guns when it’s truly warranted, like when _someone steals my chocolate_ _bar_ _I specifically put my name on_.” 

Dick put his hands up defensively. “Hey, I bought you ten more, what else do you want from me?” 

“For you to get your filthy hands away from my stuff.” 

“Aww, but how will I be the bastard oldest brother if I do that?” Dick purred. 

Jason aimed his water gun at him. “Touch my shit again and _I’ll_ be the oldest brother from then on.” 

Dick just smiled, unimpressed. “Sure, Jayjay.” 

Jason sprayed him in the face. Dick yelped and swatted at him. Jason ran away laughing, Duke following close behind. 

“Last I saw Tim, he was in the kitchen,” Duke said. Jason nodded and made his way over there. He stuck his head out of the door opening, Duke and Dick’s heads peeking out from under him, like they were the Scooby Crew. Dick’s bangs were dripping still from Jason’s assault, slowly drizzling water on Duke’s head. 

The culprit was right there. Tim was standing on the kitchen counter, rummaging through a cabinet. A very familiar cabinet. 

“You!” Jason shouted, jumping out from his hiding spot. _“You too?”_

Tim startled, bumping his head on the door when he whirled around, chocolate bar in hand. “...hi, Jason,” He said sheepishly, rubbing his head. 

“That’s two crimes today already. You’re a dead man, Timothy.” Jason’s voice was colder than the water of Gotham Harbour. 

Tim knitted his brows together in a more complicated pattern than was on Jason’s missing sweater. “Two? I can admit being gay and committing chocolate crimes, but what’s the second one?” 

“You know what you did.” Jason could hear Dick face palming behind him at the repetition of that line. Parallels are literary staples, Richard. 

Tim crossed his arms, still standing on top of the counter. Jason suspected it was because he liked to feel tall. “I do not.” 

“My name is Jason Wayne, you have stolen my date night sweater. Prepare to die.” Jason grinned evilly as he opened fire (water?). “Alfred is not here to save you.” 

That was the moment Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne knew he was in deep shit. “I don’t have your stupid sweater, jackass! This is Kon’s!” 

He jumped off the counter, attempting to run, but it was in vain, for he was already soaked, and Jason was chasing after him. 

“Hm.” Jason stood still, though didn’t stop spraying Tim with water. “It does indeed not look like mine. Still... suspicious.”

_“How?”_

“Yellow is for Duke and Cass and me only. That’s like B’s third rule, just below no killing and don’t disappoint Alfred.” 

_“No, it’s not!”_

“Yeah,” Duke agreed. “No yellow clothing permitted for sir Timothy Drake-Wayne. It’s literally illegal, it’s right there in the constitution.” 

Tim turned to Dick for help. “Dick, please, help me, they’re bullying me!” 

Dick, a.k.a. Jason’s new favourite brother, just shrugged and said. “Nah, sorry. I’m wearing my Flash tee and I’m not in the mood to get it any more wet than it already is.” 

“ _Betrayal,_ ” Tim mouthed. He then promptly turned and ran. 

Jason let out a war cry and pointed his gun at Tim. “After him, my knights!” 

He went after Tim, Duke and Dick hot on his heels. Tim only had a small head start and Jason was quickly gaining on him. Tim grabbed a pillow from a couch he passed and threw it at Jason’s face, laughing in delight. 

Jason deftly dodged it, sending a spray of water after him. 

Tim turned a corner and ran into the hallway. He darted out of sight into a room with an open door. Jason and Duke were ready to keep chasing, when they heard a loud splash and a high yelp. They reached the doorway Tim had gone through, a grinning Cass standing there with a bucket in her hands. Tim was laying on the floor, soaked from head to toe, groaning. 

Jason and Duke looked at each other for a moment, then burst out laughing. 

“Cassie,” Jason managed to squeeze out through his wheezing. “This is why you’re my favourite.” 

“Of course I am,” She said, fist bumping Duke. 

“You’re all bullies,” Tim complained, voice muffled by the floor he was currently face planting. 

The door on the opposite side of the hallway opened. Bruce peeked through the opening, saw the display there and promptly shut the door again. 

“Okay,” Jason said. “If none of you stole my sweater, then who- Oh, of course.” 

They all spoke in unison. “Damian.” 

“I’m gonna go look for the brat,” Jason said. “You guys in?” 

“I’m not helping you with shit,” Tim said, peeling himself off the floor. “I’m getting a shower and a change of clothing, you can suck it, Jason. If you ever approach me again, I’m killing you for the second time.” 

Jason shrugged. “Been there, done that. Come up with better threats, Babybird.” 

Tim, looking like a drowned cat, stalked away, flipping Jason the bird all the while until he disappeared behind a corner. 

Jason stuck his tongue out at his retreating back like the mature adult he was. “Now that that traitor is gone, let’s get down to business-” 

“To defeat the huns.” 

“Thank you, Dick, for that incredibly useful contribution."

“You’re welcome.”

“Shut the fuck up. _Anyway_ , I think we should split up. I’ll search this floor, Cass, you take the second, Duke the third and Dick the first. We’ll reconvene in the cave in half an hour if we don’t find him. He could’ve snuck out with the Kent kid again, who even knows at this point.” 

Jason’s siblings all nodded in confirmation. The mission was a go. 

* * *

After a fruitless search of the third floor, Duke went down to the Batcave. Cass was already there, and she piqued towards him, tugging at his shirt. 

“Hm? What is it, Cass?” 

She jutted her thumb towards the back of the cave. “He’s over there.” 

Duke peered behind her shoulder. He was met with the sight of one Damian Wayne curled up on his side against Batcow with Titus splayed over his legs and Alfred the cat on top of his tiny torso. He was wearing a certain yellow sweater, absolutely drowning in the size of it. 

“Neither me nor Dickie have found him, where is that b-” Jason came thundering down the stairs, but stopped in his tracks when he spotted Damian. “You know what,” He said, turning back around. “I think Roy said he likes me in red as well.” 

“He likes you in any colour,” Dick said. 

“Semantics.” 

“He was cold,” Cass said. 

“Not anymore,” Duke replied, smiling fondly. 

“No,” She agreed. “Not anymore.” 

Jason walked back out of the cave. The next day, a stack of oversized sweaters appeared in Damian’s closet. No one said a word about it when Damian showed up to breakfast wearing a shirt five sizes too big, looking positively grumpy, but with a pleased glint in his eyes. Dick just squeezed Jason’s shoulder as Jason batted his hand away, smiling. 

**Author's Note:**

> my personal favourite line is "Dick startled and fell out of his handstand, landing in a crumpled heap of bisexual and mullet."


End file.
